COVID19, Emotional Energy & The Hip Hop Preacher
What a time to be alive
Well dear reader, I know that many of you have been wondering, where are my blog posts? Where is jsbower.com during all of this COVID19-shelter-in-place drama?
Well I have been thinking up ways to rebel against shelter-in-place.
Just kidding.
Emotional Energy
During this unprecedented pandemic my main point of stress has been trying to figure out what to do and what is most important. I’ve found the loss of control has impacted me and drained me a bit. During some of my darker moments in the past, I began looking for a spark or some emotional energy to move forward, to face reality and ultimately, to live well. Undoubtedly many of you might be in the same place (or if you are not currently you will one day).
Through my time at the Meier Clinic, I learned some new things about emotions. They are positive in nature, in that they serve a purpose and give us energy to act on the perceptions of our environment. Emotions come from what we sense, think and remember. We grow into maturity by recognizing and differentiating between thoughts and emotions. As we learn to pay attention to our emotions, they give us energy to act appropriately and respond to the world around us. And we need this awareness to help us face our current reality.
When the light fades
So back to my time in the shadow… when I was placed on leave from the church I helped start, I was experiencing the toxic side of emotions. It is safe to say I was depressed and that shame was the norm. I learned from Dr. Curt Tompson in his book The Soul of Shame, that “shame is so powerful we will do anything to avoid it.” Now you might not be in a place of depression or shame, but this pandemic has left many people struggling to figure out which way is up. And the lack of emotional energy leaves us looking for something or someone to give us some light and life. And some of the options laid out on the internet for how to face the reality of COVID19 are beyond stupid.
I follow Laila Mickelwait on Twitter. She is a bad woman (and I mean that as a high compliment). She posted this tweet from P#rnHub recently. This company’s option for finding something to do, some purpose, some life, is so stupid I felt sick reading it.
As a man who was so wrapped up in pornography and shame, I knew that when I was in dark spaces mentally and emotionally, porn was rather appealing offer. Seeing a women who “can’t resit you” along with the adrenaline rush one gets get from watching something visually and sexually stimulating all helped temporarily alleviate the feelings of darkness and shame. Like any drug, that was only a temporary fix. Now in this time of shelter-in-place porn might not be your thing. Perhaps it is binging on your phone, or food, or anything else that is only a temporary fix and only serves as a way to avoid reality.
Now what does all this have to do with COVID19 and emotional energy? Well if we find ourselves lacking emotional energy and we do not have a healthy way to face the reality of our emotions and our lives, we move to the shadow, that part of us that builds hell on earth.
Sometimes a little spark is needed
“I get by with a little help from my friends.” I don’t know Eric Thomas, the Hip Hop Preacher. I don’t know him, but I think he should know me. This is a man on fire and his gift has been another source of life for me. He may not be your cup of tea, but he posses a ton of emotional energy. And when I was on my leave of absence, I lacked any emotional energy. His words gave me just a little spark, just enough to fight. Remember the whole purpose of my site is to help people live right freaking now. I mean a life well lived, presently, no matter what the situation. A wholehearted life, body and soul, that is relationally and vocationally integrated. And if you wait till life changes or circumstances changes, you may find it is too late.
ET has a quote, “when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe” then you will be successful. For me the definition success has changed. It isn’t about proving myself or winning, it is about living. I want to live more than I want to “win”. I want to live well. I want my family to enjoy me and I don’t want to let anyone or any circumstance or any pandemic keep me from living well right bloody now.
So I wanted to leave you with two of ET’s videos. I hope they will give you a little spark, a little emotional energy and create within you a desire to live right now.
Pain is Temporary
Here ET gives us some perspective on what suffering looks like and the determination to make it. His story on Harriet Tubman humbled me greatly.
Pain Points
This one was a swift kick in the pants. It confronted my own issues, my own excuses and blame. When I am tempted to blame the world, my circumstances and God, ET helped me own my life and to take responsibly for my thoughts, feelings and behavior. In essence he called me up to face my own fear, demons and shadow. The heart of the message comes at 9:59.
Final Thoughts
As I leave you, my dear reader, I want to give you a few questions. What do you need to give you the emotional energy to live? What will it take for you to live well now? What are you prepared to do or to sacrifice in order to live?
“Get busy living, or get busy dying”
JS Bower